"My Husband went to Michigan and all I got was this sweatshirt"

You remember this quote on shirts people would wear? You know the ones that said, "I went to Yellowstone and all I got was this lousy t- shirt." or "My grandparents went to Florida and all I got was this lousy t shirt." You don't remember that. Oh, unh then guess my title for this post is irrelevant. Oh well, I chuckle a little when I think about it. You know what else about this picture and sweatshirt(which by the way I am really happy to have and it was SUPER thoughtful for Neil to buy me a present while he was gone) that makes me chuckle. Lets put some pieces together- Neil went to Michigan for a business trip. While in Michigan Neil was really sweet and bought me this sweatshirt. The sweatshirt is promoting the Chicago Bears. They don't live in Michigan. Neil didn't realize that the Bears weren't a Michigan team until he got back to the hotel and looked at the sweatshirt again. HILARIOUS! Neil really does know that the BEARS aren't a Michigan team and that they are a Chicago team, but I think he was excited about finding a sweatshirt and not thinking about who the Bears were. Last night, when he gave it to me I was so surprised and excited and then while still surprised and excited I was confused. I was thinking, "Wait, Neil was in Michigan, why does this say the Bears and have the C that Chicago uses for their team logos? Is there a Bears team in Michigan? This is the C style the Chicago teams use, right? But Neil was in Michigan." Then he told me the story and I laughed REALLY hard! I feel like this gives just a little glimpse into one of the hilarities about Neil and me. I think the best way to sum it up is something some friends of ours said about us, "Monica would rather watch the 'big game' while Neil would rather watch Fiddler on the Roof." Anyway, so the sweatshirt story is even more funny to me because of our differences. BUT I REALLY LOVE THAT HE GOT ME SWEATSHIRT. It was really fun and thoughtful of him to bring me home a present. I jokingly told him when he left to bring me back something like snow globe. He doesn't have to leave town much, but man I hate it when he does!

Here is what I found waiting for me when I fixed breakfast the morning he left.

This isn't an unusual occurrence. Neil is really great at writing me little notes of encouragement randomly, but frequently and hiding them for me to find throughout my day. Here is another one that he wrote me a few weeks ago, but I hadn't moved yet:He had done this throughout our marriage and it is one of my favorite things and one of the things I really love about him. I seriously get giddy every time I find one! He has always been the "note writer" in our relationship. Even when we were dating he would write me letters and mail them. And yes, I have kept EVERY letter and note he has ever written me. I'm trying to grow in writing notes to him, but its harder for me to hide them from him. I tried this time when he went out of town and put it in a notebook in his backpack. But he never opened the notebook so he never found the note. I had to ask him last night if he read it and he didn't know what I was talking about. HAHA, oh well, I'll try a different place next time!

Did I mention that I really love the sweatshirt?
Hope you guys have a great weekend!

How Easy

How easily I can be swallowed up by my circumstances and lose sight of God. This weekend started out a little rough and didn't seem to let up till Saturday afternoon.

I found out Friday that another friend of mine is pregnant. I'm THRILLED for her and her husband, but I won't deny there is a little part of me that grieves as well. The little part that says, "Another one. Will I ever get to share this news with friends? If I get pregnant, will it even matter to anyone? Will they be excited or will my pregnancy be irrelevant to them since they've done it before." But the little part doesn't speak out loud and I am able to show the genuine joy and excitement for my dear friend who feels like puking on me at the moment. I wait till I get home to cry. I know all my thoughts are lies, but they come so fast its hard to remember what is true. I'm so thankful for my husband who holds me and lets me cry. Who knows this 'waiting period' is hard for me, though it hasn't been hard for him. Who reminds me of hope and that God has been good to me through the Gospel and continues to be good to me through the Gospel. I have a busy day on Saturday and I still need to finish the burp cloths for tomorrow's baby shower. I also feel a cold coming on.

Saturday morning I wake up earlier than I want to be up for a Bible Study with other young wives I've become friends with in our church. Two of them are pregnant. I'm groggy because its early and I've got a cold. I haven't finished the Bible Study because my week was super busy and I couldn't find the time to finish it. I show up and enjoy the Bible Study discussion, but its hard to concentrate due to grogginess. The pregnant friends discuss pregnant things for a few minutes before we all leave and I'm waiting around because one of the girls is following me to my friend's baby shower. We get to the baby shower a little late where, no lie, 3/4 of the women there are pregnant. There are two other women there under the age of 55 who are not pregnant and one of them is a mother of 3 so in some ways she doesn't count. We go around the room to share our names and how we each know my friend whom the shower is for. Each pregnant woman shares that she's is pregnant and jokes and laughter ensue. It is comical that so many women are pregnant, know each other, and at the same shower. But its hard to make the joke that you aren't pregnant, when you want to be. I wonder if the other not pregnant, not already a mother, woman is going through a similar trial, but I don't know her and I don't think it would be appropriate 'get to know you' conversation to ask her. My friend, who the shower is for, asks me after a little while if the 'greeting time' was hard for me and that she was thinking about me. I replied, "It wasn't my favorite, but its really okay. It isn't about me." and I mean it. It meant a lot that she thought about me and that moments like that could be hard. A little moment of comfort to my soul. She remembers going through similar circumstances. My other newly pregnant friend sits with me at the shower, another comfort to my soul. She still looks like she could puke on command, but is hiding it pretty well. I over hear a comment about my burp cloths and I'm more discouraged and angry. I leave pretty much as soon as the shower is over because I have Accountability across town in a little while. I call Neil sufficiently discouraged and tell him, "I just want to lay in bed and cry." But instead I go to the coffee shop I'm meeting the ladies at for Accountability. Here I am able to pray and sort through my keyed up emotions and thoughts. I have to cast myself on the Lord and claim that I'm weak and I have weak faith today. HELP ME! By God's grace, I'm able to repent of my anger and pray for a heart of forgiveness since I have been forgiven worse debts by a holy God. I'm able to read the Psalms and try to think on truth. I'm glad when the other ladies arrive and I'm extra glad its only going to be three of us since I don't have energy for a big crowd. I tell them all that has transpired in the last 24 hours and am able to breathe relief as they acknowledge that my circumstances are hard. Sometimes its just really nice to have others factually say that something you are going through is hard, it helps me know I'm not just complaining. It was good to be under their encouragement and care. They remind me that today's (Saturday) circumstances are from the Lord for a good purpose. They remind me that what God is doing in this circumstance and trial is better than what I want right now-pregnancy and children. They remind me that God will give me the desires of my heart and that those heart desires might change if he wants them to, but it will be okay because I'll want the changed desires too.

Then I remember that I'm getting baptized on Sunday and sharing my testimony in front of the church! They encourage me about getting baptized and it helps me to turn my thoughts back to the Gospel and how God saved me! It reminds me of how He changed my heart of despair and confusion to a heart of joy and hope when he saved me. Remembering that time helps change my current heart of despair and confusion to joy and hope. My heart is lifted as I think on all that God has done for me in saving me and his faithfulness through my life and other trials. I'm currently reminded of Romans 8:32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? God has given me Christ in my biggest trial, how will he not also give me help and hope for this current trial?

Sunday was a joy and I believe God gave me several provisions to comfort my soul. I was filled with peace about sharing in front of the church and I wasn't anxious anymore about falling out of the baptismal afterward. My parents and Neil's parents came to support me and man did that mean so much to me! The sermon was on Philippians 3:2-14 and I'm encouraged and challenged to "press on" to know God from where I'm at in my relationship with him. to "forget what lies behind" (the past failures and successes) and to "strain toward what is ahead" (being with Christ and seeing him 'face to face'). Several of our friends came and encouraged me after the service and it was so sweet to receive their support and care for me. Friends, family, and the church body were such sweet kindnesses of God to comfort my weary soul from hard circumstances. How kind of Him to also lift up my head and heart to be reminded that God is bigger than my circumstances, bad days, and weak faith. He is not shaken by these things or dependent on the strength of my faith in order to reveal his kindness and power to me. Praise the Lord for his power, dominion, and strength.

A little breather...

Here are the latest creations for my friend, Katie's Baby Shower this past weekend.













The pictures aren't great since I took them at night and we have terrible lighting in our house. It seriously and secretly drives me crazy! I guess its no secret now though. The owner's before us decided to use the energy efficient light bulbs, which NEVER DIE!!!!!!! I'm all for being efficient which helps when you are married to a man who loves efficiency. However, I think the efficient lighting is also efficiently making me go BLIND!!!!!!! I hate the terrible dull yellow glow they give off. I feel like I can't see and am turning on lamps (without efficient light bulbs) along with the main overhead lights. Which I think keeps things from being energy efficient or energy saving. And you are probably wondering- Why don't you just change the light bulbs? Well, because the energy saving/efficient light bulbs still work. I think we are going to slowly replace the energy bulbs with regular bulbs once they die. Which won't be a moment too soon.

*Deep breath*

Anyway, now I'm done with my unexpected rant and really just wanted to share the burp cloths I made for my sweet friend Katie. I'm done with baby showers for a few months, but have contemplated getting started for the next shower since I have some fun ideas roaming around in my head. Neil also helped me think of the flower in the first picture. I couldn't decide on what to do with this one because the pattern was SO busy, but I didn't want to leave it blank. Even with the busy pattern it seemed like it was missing something. We tried to draw an owl, because the strip of green and blue above the flower looked like an owl, but that wasn't going to work. Then we noticed a flower in the pattern and Neil said, "Do a flower." I said, "BRILLIANT!". I just wanted to brag on him a little and I really loved his help and interest!!!

Several friends have commented that I should try to sell them or open an Etsy shop. I've really thought about it, but the current main hindrance is that I don't have internet at home. I'm assuming daily access to the internet would be a necessity in order to be remotely successful and to keep me sane. I'm stressed out just thinking about trying to keep up some kind of on-line shop with my current internet availability (about twice a week).

Oh well, I still enjoy making them and still enjoy blessing my friends with them!

My New Addiction

My newest addiction is making burp cloths for my pregnant friends. I learned how to do it at my friend Lacy's Baby Shower for her littlest, Noelle. The basics are SUPER easy and then you can add your own little flair from there. I've been attempting burp cloths for about a year, but my first attempt was tricky since I didn't really know what I was doing! I learned a lot at Lacy's shower and found this way that makes it SO much easier to do. I would never have thought about using cloth diapers! I guess since I'm not a momma I don't really think about diapers at all. Since Lacy's shower this past summer, burp cloths have been my present to my pregnant friends. I enjoy making something for them that is fun, but still practical. I also try to find something little on their registry to give as well since it has things they most need. But if you are pregnant and you are my friend, plan on getting burp cloths from me. This is the first time I've had the forethought to take pictures of the ones I make to share with you guys. These three are for a baby shower I am attending tomorrow for my friend Ashley. She is naming her little girl, Karis Addelyn. I LOVE THE MIDDLE NAME! Her husband saw it somewhere and they both liked it.

I think my favorite of these three is the middle one because I wanted to try something that had a little 'pop' off of the burp cloth. I tried these 'flowers' with some red fleece fabric and pink thread I had on hand. I love the way it turned out, it was the exact effect I was hoping to achieve. There will definitely be more like this one in the future- which is next week since I have another baby shower next weekend. Yep, 3 baby showers in ONE MONTH!!!!!! Which means 3 friends with newborns NEXT MONTH! May 2010 must have been pretty busy for them. ;)

Snow, Snow, Come Again Another Day!

IT SNOWED!!!!!!!!! Neil and I woke up Monday to beautiful snow all around us! It soon became evident that Neil wouldn't be going anywhere for at least a little while that morning so we went outside and played! It was 8:00 in the morning and we bundled up(some,me, more that others, Neil) and went outside to see what we could do. We didn't have a sled and the snow was too soft to build a snow man so we went on a walk, through some snowballs at each other, and took pictures.

Neil also thought it would be fun to take a picture of him tackling me in the snow:
Yeah, honey, that was so fun.

Neil attempted to make it to work around 10:30. He made it there, but the roads were pretty rough. He only saw three people while he was there and talked with them about what the policy was for snow days. (Part of why he went in to work was because he didn't know what the policy was for snow and he didn't want to lose a vacation day by not coming in.) He felt like he got the all clear to not be there so he stayed for an hour and came home! It took him several tries to make it up our hilly neighborhood, but he eventually did.

That afternoon our neighbors' girls came over and asked if we wanted to play with them. We said yes and went out and built snowmen with them and had a big snowball war. It was so fun and Neil and I were sufficiently worn out! They were so kind to ask us if we wanted to eat dinner with them and so we did and it was such a sweet time to catch up with them! I love snow days!

Presenting Georgie and George, the snow couple

see any resemblances between them and another couple? ;)

Irrelevant Tip

My husband and I still live in the stone age. I hand wash all our dishes. Yes, I stand at the sink and hand wash all our dishes from the day. Sometimes several times a day and sometimes I wait a day or two until I do them. We have a dishwasher, actually a fairly new dishwasher that came with the house, but we don't use it. We aren't morally against using the dishwasher, we just don't have enough dishes, especially bowls, to justify using the dishwasher. We can't fill it up fast enough without running out of bowls. While some people may reason to go buy more bowls, we haven't and don't plan on it. We don't need more bowls. We just need to wash the ones we have already.

So I am the human dishwasher. It doesn't hurt that I don't mind washing dishes. It is kind of therapeutic for me knowing that something is getting clean and seeing the product of my efforts.

Anyway, I'm writing about doing dishes because I wanted to share a tip that my neighbor unknowingly shared with me when we were discussing the fact that I don't use my dishwasher. She shared about how when she was a kid one of the chores she and her siblings shared was doing the dinner dishes. She hated when it was her turn because the kitchen was kind of closed off to the other main rooms in the house so she would miss out on whatever her family was doing after dinner. She said that her mom taught her how to wash the dishes most effectively thus cutting the amount of time she spent doing the dishes alone.

I like effective and efficient things, but to me the time it takes to think up the efficient way to do something makes the task not efficient. So I leave other people, like my husband, to think up the efficiency of a task and then willingly put their thoughts into action.

I realize that this tip will be pretty useless to about 90-95% of the population, but I thought I would share it anyway in case you ever do become the human dishwasher for a day or season in your life.

Here is an efficient tip if you are ever the human dishwasher in your home: If you have a lot of dishes, fill up your sink with soapy water. Then wash your least dirty dishes- glasses, cups, and silverware first. Then wash your somewhat dirty dishes- plates, bowls, serving bowls and plates. Lastly, wash your dirtiest dishes- pots and pans. This helps you wash the least dirty items with clean water and then by time you get to your pots and pans you don't care that the water will get super dirty because you will be done with dishes! This really does seem to help me when doing dishes because it makes me organized and that helps me go faster.

Also, another tip for laying your dishes to dry. I organize the dishes as I lay them to dry. I put all cups and glasses together, all silverware together, all plates and bowls together, all cooking utensils together, and all pots and pans together. I arrange it according to what goes in which cabinets or drawers that way when I go to put the dried dishes up I am putting away all the like items up at the same time. So I stack all my plates and bowls together because they are in the same cabinet. When I go to put them up when they are dry I only have to grab them and open up the cabinet once to put them away. Same with pots and pans and all the other dishes. It makes the clean up process SO much quicker because I'm not running around the kitchen opening and closing the same drawers and cabinets a ten times each.

I'm actually a little obsessive about stacking the dishes together while they dry (maybe its because I figured out the method on my own). My husband-the efficient one- teases me about my method, but I LOVE it and have to fight off frustration if the dishes aren't stacked together because it seems to make the put away process "longer". While, it does make it longer I know that its only maybe a minute longer and so not a big deal to most everyone.

Anyway, I was excited about finding what seemed to me a good method of doing dishes that I wanted to share it with you! Since I may be a little obsessed with the drying/organized method I took pictures (insert sheepishly nerdy smile.)

Confessions of a Wannabe

I wannabe someone who waits well for God's plan.
I wannabe someone who endures trials with joy.
I wannabe able to not annoy myself with my whining spirit.
I don't wannabe consumed with thoughts about pregnancy, diets, cycles, and if I am doing things right or wrong.
I don't wannabe weary and sad.
I wannabe experiencing depth and joy in my relationship with God.
I wannabe someone who has a regular monthly cycle.
I wannabe pregnant.
I wannabe able to get pregnant.
I wannabe able to understand what is going on in my body and how to fix it.
I wannabe successful with the diet.
I don't wannabe feeling isolated and alone.
I don't wannabe the one that is 'left out' again.
I wannabe-lieve that God could heal me and would want to heal me.

Here are my confessions of what I wannabe but I'm not. At least not today.

Neil and I are currently seeking the Lord on if we should continue the diet or not. At the beginning of our Christmas Break we started discussions about why we are on different pages when it comes to the diet. It's been going on for awhile, but our miscommunication was beginning to birth bitterness in my heart towards him. I think some of it was also that we had switched our roles in this area. I was leading the way with starting the diet since my body has PCOS and the diet effects my body. I was the one doing the research about the diet and PCOS. I was the one relating my research to Neil and I was the one who was receiving Neil's questions and skepticism about the research I had found. Then I was the one who shut down and felt alone and isolated because of the diet. This has been the broad cycle since August when we started the diet, though there have been times of unity throughout.

But now, Neil is leading the direction for our family in this area. We are both seeking God's word and praying for direction on the diet, but Neil will ultimately make the decision. I'm ready to submit and be united with my husband on the direction the Lord leads us. I'm ready to trust that the Lord is the only one who can give us children, not some man made diet, drugs, or treatments. Yes, I do believe that God can use those things as a means of his power and to accomplish his will, but I also believe that man (myself) can lean solely on his own understanding and trust in his own strength, intelligence, research, to try to make what he wants happen.

I think that is where I mostly find myself. I wannabe pregnant and this diet has seemed to work for other women so I also will go on this diet and it will fix my problems and give me what I want. I have idolized pregnancy and the diet as the only way I can get pregnant. I have died on the altar of my desires and my heart struggles to believe God.

But I refuse to die on this altar any longer. The idolatry of my desires, pregnancy, and the diet is not worth my marriage or my soul.

I feel like God is withholding from me because I haven't been believing in him for this desire. But then would that be a 'works-based' faith? If I believe that God could give me a baby, then God will give me a baby? I don't think that is right thinking. I confess that I do believe God could do it, but I don't believe God wants to.

Which is true. It could be God's very good and right will for me to never have children. In my head knowledge I know that never having children could be God's blessing to me, but in my heart it's hard to see it as a blessing. I'm not too worried about the state of my heart because I do believe that God will not let me go. The fact that I can say I do not want to die on the altar of my desires is evidence of God's grace and steadfast grip on my soul. I do believe that He will bring my heart to trust and hope in his good plan and I will rejoice in Him because he will be enough for me.

I picked up this book today from our bookshelf:

Shattered Dreams: God's unexpected pathway to joy
I've had it for a few years, but haven't read the whole thing. The introduction today was helpful and I'm trying to choose to believe that this expected pathway that God has for me right now will lead to joy. Here are a few excerpts that were helpful for me:

"God is not waiting to bless us after our troubles end. He is blessing us right now, in and through those troubles. At this exact moment, He is giving us what He thinks is good."
my confession: Today I'm not real fond of the blessing.

"We were created for happiness. Our souls therefore long for whatever we think will provide the greatest possible pleasure. We just aren't yet aware that an intimate relationship with God is that greatest pleasure."
oh, how easily and quickly I forget that my relationship with God is the greatest thing I will ever have and need!

I wannabe someone who doesn't forget that my 'light and momentary troubles are achieving for me and eternal glory that outweighs' all my trials!

"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." 2 Corinthians 4:17-18