Monday, April 12, 2010
House Update
My husband and I are getting a house. I didn't want to share that as a conclusion to my ridiculously long post from last week, but we are. We should close on it next Friday, so weird! I didn't want to share it with that post becuase I didn't want to communicate that somehow God had "rewarded" me with a house once I surrendered to his purposes in the house hunting process. I think it was God's purpose all along to both sanctify me and give husband and I this house. The house is not something we have 'earned' from God, but is apart of his purposes for our lives in this time and we are thankful. Truth be told, I didn't even like this house that we are buying! I REALLY didn't like it the first time we looked at it, though it is a nice house. It has a small backyard and my expectations were to have a decent size backyard for our future kids to play in. Then, my wise husband made the point that if we do have kids in the near future they won't be old enough to really play in the yard for the amount of time that we would live in the house. OH! good point, hadn't thought of that. I'm not going to give birth to an 8 year old with expectations of a big house (Lord, please I hope not!- jk) The yard will be "big" to any future kids we have and actually its not about having a big yard, but being thankful for what God has given us. Anyway, so after looking at the house a 2nd time, husband and I made an offer on the house and the owners countered, and then we countered and they accepted. I still wasn't stoked about the house, but was fine with it. It is a nice house and I do think it is from the Lord. It "fits" us really well. Then when we had our home inspection, my heart started to change. I became excited about decorating the house and taking care of it. I realized that I do like the layout of the house and it really does "fit" us really well right now and for the hopeful future. So, I'm thankful for what God has done in the whole process. I don't feel consumed with the house, though I do think about it and how to decorate and when to pack, etc. but the house isn't technically ours yet and won't be till next Friday, we still have to get to next Friday. I don't think it will really "hit me" that we own a home till we get the keys and the paint. Until we move into the house, we still live in an apartment that still needs to be cleaned...
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Surrender to Sanctification
Timeline:
Late Dec/Early Jan.: Husband realizes we have a significant amount of $$ in our savings that could be used for a down payment on a house. He begins to get counsel from our families and men in his accountability group.
Jan.-Feb.: Husband investigates the tax credit, continues to get counsel, and pray about us house hunting.
Late Feb.: Husband FINALLY decides that we should look for houses.
LET THE SANCTIFICATION BEGIN!
When we started officially looking for houses my expectations for what we could afford were based on the cost of houses in 1996 when my family bought our last house. I remember the house being in the 100,000 range and I thought we were finally "keeping up with the Joneses". So I was quickly shocked into reality when the houses we first looked at were not great. Even with a "Buyer's Market" we couldn't afford to pick and choose very freely and the homes that I had found on the MLS site that were nice were already taken. (Enter all my sin of covetousness and bitterness towards God for "again" being unfair and withholding from me, but not others around me.) My thoughts were fueled by my feelings and I concentrated on what I did not have instead of the truth of God's provision (even through Obama and tax credit) that we could even be house hunting. Not to mention his provisions in providing our apartment, all the furniture from my dad, and that we can sufficiently live on my husband's income. God has been so good to us, but I just couldn't see it because I was so clouded over by my feelings of what I did not have.
I began to get weary with house hunting. It wasn't fun like I had thought it would be and I wanted to quit. I knew that God was sovereign over where we would live and if he would provide a house for us in this time. I also knew that God could have us "house hunt" for this month and use it to sanctify us only. But I wanted a house out of the deal, not just sanctification. For me, at the time, sanctification was not worth this trial.
Then I read Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges...
I highly recommend it because he is constantly reminding you of the Gospel. My husband and I have been reading through it the last few months and it has been so very good for me. I was reading the last chapter because we were going to discuss it. The chapter is "Discipline of Adversity". Bridges talks about how God disciplines us throught the adversity we experience. He is using these trials to sanctify us because he loves us. I knew that God used trials to sanctify us, but I had forgotten that it was because he loves us. The following are several clips from the chapter that God used to expose my sin and change my heart.
"Two improper reactions to God's discipline:
-To make light of, or despise, the Lord's discipline
-To lose heart under it."
I DID BOTH.
I did not want to "just be sanctified". I wanted a house. And I did not have the "faith" to stay under God's discipline. I did not believe that he was working for my good. I was weary, frustrated, and I wanted to quit because it was hard and not turning out how I wanted it to go.
"We also despise God's discipline of adversity when we view adversity as something to be endured and passed through as quickly possible." This was completely my attitude. I was like a bull, putting my head down and charging through until it was over.
"In times of adversity, do not despise it by refusing to acknowledge God's hand in it and do not lose heart under it by failing to see His love in it."
"All adversity, whether trivial (like mine) or serious, are intended by God to be means of developing more Christ-like character." God's loving purpose for me is the sanctified.
"In order to gain the most profit from the discipline of hardship, we need to submit to it."
I had definitely not been submitting to God's discipline in this trial or that his purpose could only be my sanctification and not a house.
There are two ways we submit to God's discipline:
"Negatively: by not becoming angry at God or charging Him with injustice when difficult circumstances arise." (I was guilty of being angry and charging God with injustice)
"Positively: we submit to God's discipline when we accept all hardship as from Him lovingly for our good. This means our primary response would be one of humble submission and trust."
John Owen on submission to God: "an acquiescence in His sovereign right to do what He will with us as His own; a renunciation of self-will; an acknowledgment of His righteousness and wisdom in all His dealings with us; a sense of His care and love"..."a keeping of our souls by perservering faith from weariness and despondency; a full resignation of ourselves to His will, as to the matter, manner, times, and continuance of our afflictions."
Shoo! I know its a mouthful, but I couldn't leave it out because this is the hinge of my heart changing and realizing all that had been going on and how I had been sinning against God in my complaining, bitterness, and weariness with the house hunting process.
Jerry sums up John Owen's quote nicely: "So the discipline of adversity is given to us by God as a means of our sanctification. Our role in this discipline is to respond to it, and to acquiesece to whatever God may be doing, even though a particular instance of adversity makes no sense to us. As we do this we will see in due time the fruit of the Spirit produced in our lives."
I definitely had not been submitting and acquiescing to whatever God wanted with the house hunting. Somehow God sanctifying me wasn't sufficient enough, I WANTED a house.
Then Jerry brings the discipline of adversity full circle by writing about the future glory we have in Christ.
Romans 8:18 and 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
My sufferings, both trivial and serious and I've experienced both, are not worth comparing with the glory I will experience in eternity because of Christ and God's love to sanctify me. And again my eternal glory far outweighs the suffering of this life. God's work in me far outweighs my circumstance. My circumstance of house hunting is temporary, but who God is making me and how he is sanctifying my soul is eternal. He is killing off the flesh to reveal more of the Spirit in me. So I can learn, by faith, to look beyond the present pain to the eternal glory that will be revealed in me. This temporary trial has an eternal goal: my sanctification. AND God's grace is sufficent for it! (2 Cor. 12:9) "God's enabling grace will give us the inner spiritual strength we need to bear the pain and endure the hardship, until the time when we see the harvest of righteousness and peace produced by it.
SO, conclusion I promise, through this chapter God brought me to peace with His sanctification in my life through the house hunting process. I was (and still am) okay with His purpose possibly being "just my sanctification" and not a house. His grace has enabled me to have "faith" or heart to house hunt. I am not longer weary or grumbling at the Lord. I am okay with being under God's mighty hand because he is working His eternal purposes in my life. I'm thankful for his discipline because it does display His love.
If you made it to the end, thanks for "listening" to the process of my heart in this last month.
Late Dec/Early Jan.: Husband realizes we have a significant amount of $$ in our savings that could be used for a down payment on a house. He begins to get counsel from our families and men in his accountability group.
Jan.-Feb.: Husband investigates the tax credit, continues to get counsel, and pray about us house hunting.
Late Feb.: Husband FINALLY decides that we should look for houses.
LET THE SANCTIFICATION BEGIN!
When we started officially looking for houses my expectations for what we could afford were based on the cost of houses in 1996 when my family bought our last house. I remember the house being in the 100,000 range and I thought we were finally "keeping up with the Joneses". So I was quickly shocked into reality when the houses we first looked at were not great. Even with a "Buyer's Market" we couldn't afford to pick and choose very freely and the homes that I had found on the MLS site that were nice were already taken. (Enter all my sin of covetousness and bitterness towards God for "again" being unfair and withholding from me, but not others around me.) My thoughts were fueled by my feelings and I concentrated on what I did not have instead of the truth of God's provision (even through Obama and tax credit) that we could even be house hunting. Not to mention his provisions in providing our apartment, all the furniture from my dad, and that we can sufficiently live on my husband's income. God has been so good to us, but I just couldn't see it because I was so clouded over by my feelings of what I did not have.
I began to get weary with house hunting. It wasn't fun like I had thought it would be and I wanted to quit. I knew that God was sovereign over where we would live and if he would provide a house for us in this time. I also knew that God could have us "house hunt" for this month and use it to sanctify us only. But I wanted a house out of the deal, not just sanctification. For me, at the time, sanctification was not worth this trial.
Then I read Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges...
I highly recommend it because he is constantly reminding you of the Gospel. My husband and I have been reading through it the last few months and it has been so very good for me. I was reading the last chapter because we were going to discuss it. The chapter is "Discipline of Adversity". Bridges talks about how God disciplines us throught the adversity we experience. He is using these trials to sanctify us because he loves us. I knew that God used trials to sanctify us, but I had forgotten that it was because he loves us. The following are several clips from the chapter that God used to expose my sin and change my heart.
"Two improper reactions to God's discipline:
-To make light of, or despise, the Lord's discipline
-To lose heart under it."
I DID BOTH.
I did not want to "just be sanctified". I wanted a house. And I did not have the "faith" to stay under God's discipline. I did not believe that he was working for my good. I was weary, frustrated, and I wanted to quit because it was hard and not turning out how I wanted it to go.
"We also despise God's discipline of adversity when we view adversity as something to be endured and passed through as quickly possible." This was completely my attitude. I was like a bull, putting my head down and charging through until it was over.
"In times of adversity, do not despise it by refusing to acknowledge God's hand in it and do not lose heart under it by failing to see His love in it."
"All adversity, whether trivial (like mine) or serious, are intended by God to be means of developing more Christ-like character." God's loving purpose for me is the sanctified.
"In order to gain the most profit from the discipline of hardship, we need to submit to it."
I had definitely not been submitting to God's discipline in this trial or that his purpose could only be my sanctification and not a house.
There are two ways we submit to God's discipline:
"Negatively: by not becoming angry at God or charging Him with injustice when difficult circumstances arise." (I was guilty of being angry and charging God with injustice)
"Positively: we submit to God's discipline when we accept all hardship as from Him lovingly for our good. This means our primary response would be one of humble submission and trust."
John Owen on submission to God: "an acquiescence in His sovereign right to do what He will with us as His own; a renunciation of self-will; an acknowledgment of His righteousness and wisdom in all His dealings with us; a sense of His care and love"..."a keeping of our souls by perservering faith from weariness and despondency; a full resignation of ourselves to His will, as to the matter, manner, times, and continuance of our afflictions."
Shoo! I know its a mouthful, but I couldn't leave it out because this is the hinge of my heart changing and realizing all that had been going on and how I had been sinning against God in my complaining, bitterness, and weariness with the house hunting process.
Jerry sums up John Owen's quote nicely: "So the discipline of adversity is given to us by God as a means of our sanctification. Our role in this discipline is to respond to it, and to acquiesece to whatever God may be doing, even though a particular instance of adversity makes no sense to us. As we do this we will see in due time the fruit of the Spirit produced in our lives."
I definitely had not been submitting and acquiescing to whatever God wanted with the house hunting. Somehow God sanctifying me wasn't sufficient enough, I WANTED a house.
Then Jerry brings the discipline of adversity full circle by writing about the future glory we have in Christ.
Romans 8:18 and 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
My sufferings, both trivial and serious and I've experienced both, are not worth comparing with the glory I will experience in eternity because of Christ and God's love to sanctify me. And again my eternal glory far outweighs the suffering of this life. God's work in me far outweighs my circumstance. My circumstance of house hunting is temporary, but who God is making me and how he is sanctifying my soul is eternal. He is killing off the flesh to reveal more of the Spirit in me. So I can learn, by faith, to look beyond the present pain to the eternal glory that will be revealed in me. This temporary trial has an eternal goal: my sanctification. AND God's grace is sufficent for it! (2 Cor. 12:9) "God's enabling grace will give us the inner spiritual strength we need to bear the pain and endure the hardship, until the time when we see the harvest of righteousness and peace produced by it.
SO, conclusion I promise, through this chapter God brought me to peace with His sanctification in my life through the house hunting process. I was (and still am) okay with His purpose possibly being "just my sanctification" and not a house. His grace has enabled me to have "faith" or heart to house hunt. I am not longer weary or grumbling at the Lord. I am okay with being under God's mighty hand because he is working His eternal purposes in my life. I'm thankful for his discipline because it does display His love.
If you made it to the end, thanks for "listening" to the process of my heart in this last month.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Reasons for M.I.A. (but i don't think anyone noticed)
The last part of the title was not to be self-depricating. I know I'm still new to this and haven't posted much so it could be easy to over look my "blogging existence" and I'm okay with that. Anyway, I've been M.I.A. because I haven't had anything to "talk" about and I want to be more intentional with what I do "talk" about. So, I've been actually trying to think about what I "say" before I "say" it so that I don't ramble or just "talk"out of my feelings. Which, I easily do and want to work on. So, I think thats only one reason for being M.I.A. but its still the reason. I wrote out a post on Friday and it was VERY therapuetic and exhausting for me to actually process everything out on paper and realize what I do want to share with you guys about the things that have been going on lately, but then I forgot to bring it to the library today. (typical) And my husband, so wise and discerning as he is, acutally brought out more of the root of the issue I was wanting to share. (even more typical)
It's so interesting to try and go the deep waters of my heart because many times when I try to do this I think my "lungs" will explode for lack of "air" or clarity as I try to search deeper and deeper. Sometimes I have to come back to the surface and trust the Lord to reveal the depths of my heart in His time and then other times He allows me to dive deeper and deeper in my heart to find out whats really going on. Most of the time I don't want to process the depths of my heart because its going to be painful or confusing, but I'm thankful that God always has a purpose in pain and exposing my sin. His purposes of love and growth do give me hope and I'm thankful for that.
It's so interesting to try and go the deep waters of my heart because many times when I try to do this I think my "lungs" will explode for lack of "air" or clarity as I try to search deeper and deeper. Sometimes I have to come back to the surface and trust the Lord to reveal the depths of my heart in His time and then other times He allows me to dive deeper and deeper in my heart to find out whats really going on. Most of the time I don't want to process the depths of my heart because its going to be painful or confusing, but I'm thankful that God always has a purpose in pain and exposing my sin. His purposes of love and growth do give me hope and I'm thankful for that.
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