Timeline:
Late Dec/Early Jan.: Husband realizes we have a significant amount of $$ in our savings that could be used for a down payment on a house. He begins to get counsel from our families and men in his accountability group.
Jan.-Feb.: Husband investigates the tax credit, continues to get counsel, and pray about us house hunting.
Late Feb.: Husband FINALLY decides that we should look for houses.
LET THE SANCTIFICATION BEGIN!
When we started officially looking for houses my expectations for what we could afford were based on the cost of houses in 1996 when my family bought our last house. I remember the house being in the 100,000 range and I thought we were finally "keeping up with the Joneses". So I was quickly shocked into reality when the houses we first looked at were not great. Even with a "Buyer's Market" we couldn't afford to pick and choose very freely and the homes that I had found on the MLS site that were nice were already taken. (Enter all my sin of covetousness and bitterness towards God for "again" being unfair and withholding from me, but not others around me.) My thoughts were fueled by my feelings and I concentrated on what I did not have instead of the truth of God's provision (even through Obama and tax credit) that we could even be house hunting. Not to mention his provisions in providing our apartment, all the furniture from my dad, and that we can sufficiently live on my husband's income. God has been so good to us, but I just couldn't see it because I was so clouded over by my feelings of what I did not have.
I began to get weary with house hunting. It wasn't fun like I had thought it would be and I wanted to quit. I knew that God was sovereign over where we would live and if he would provide a house for us in this time. I also knew that God could have us "house hunt" for this month and use it to sanctify us only. But I wanted a house out of the deal, not just sanctification. For me, at the time, sanctification was not worth this trial.
Then I read Discipline of Grace by Jerry Bridges...
I highly recommend it because he is constantly reminding you of the Gospel. My husband and I have been reading through it the last few months and it has been so very good for me. I was reading the last chapter because we were going to discuss it. The chapter is "Discipline of Adversity". Bridges talks about how God disciplines us throught the adversity we experience. He is using these trials to sanctify us because he loves us. I knew that God used trials to sanctify us, but I had forgotten that it was because he loves us. The following are several clips from the chapter that God used to expose my sin and change my heart.
"Two improper reactions to God's discipline:
-To make light of, or despise, the Lord's discipline
-To lose heart under it."
I DID BOTH.
I did not want to "just be sanctified". I wanted a house. And I did not have the "faith" to stay under God's discipline. I did not believe that he was working for my good. I was weary, frustrated, and I wanted to quit because it was hard and not turning out how I wanted it to go.
"We also despise God's discipline of adversity when we view adversity as something to be endured and passed through as quickly possible." This was completely my attitude. I was like a bull, putting my head down and charging through until it was over.
"In times of adversity, do not despise it by refusing to acknowledge God's hand in it and do not lose heart under it by failing to see His love in it."
"All adversity, whether trivial (like mine) or serious, are intended by God to be means of developing more Christ-like character." God's loving purpose for me is the sanctified.
"In order to gain the most profit from the discipline of hardship, we need to submit to it."
I had definitely not been submitting to God's discipline in this trial or that his purpose could only be my sanctification and not a house.
There are two ways we submit to God's discipline:
"Negatively: by not becoming angry at God or charging Him with injustice when difficult circumstances arise." (I was guilty of being angry and charging God with injustice)
"Positively: we submit to God's discipline when we accept all hardship as from Him lovingly for our good. This means our primary response would be one of humble submission and trust."
John Owen on submission to God: "an acquiescence in His sovereign right to do what He will with us as His own; a renunciation of self-will; an acknowledgment of His righteousness and wisdom in all His dealings with us; a sense of His care and love"..."a keeping of our souls by perservering faith from weariness and despondency; a full resignation of ourselves to His will, as to the matter, manner, times, and continuance of our afflictions."
Shoo! I know its a mouthful, but I couldn't leave it out because this is the hinge of my heart changing and realizing all that had been going on and how I had been sinning against God in my complaining, bitterness, and weariness with the house hunting process.
Jerry sums up John Owen's quote nicely: "So the discipline of adversity is given to us by God as a means of our sanctification. Our role in this discipline is to respond to it, and to acquiesece to whatever God may be doing, even though a particular instance of adversity makes no sense to us. As we do this we will see in due time the fruit of the Spirit produced in our lives."
I definitely had not been submitting and acquiescing to whatever God wanted with the house hunting. Somehow God sanctifying me wasn't sufficient enough, I WANTED a house.
Then Jerry brings the discipline of adversity full circle by writing about the future glory we have in Christ.
Romans 8:18 and 2 Corinthians 4:16-18
My sufferings, both trivial and serious and I've experienced both, are not worth comparing with the glory I will experience in eternity because of Christ and God's love to sanctify me. And again my eternal glory far outweighs the suffering of this life. God's work in me far outweighs my circumstance. My circumstance of house hunting is temporary, but who God is making me and how he is sanctifying my soul is eternal. He is killing off the flesh to reveal more of the Spirit in me. So I can learn, by faith, to look beyond the present pain to the eternal glory that will be revealed in me. This temporary trial has an eternal goal: my sanctification. AND God's grace is sufficent for it! (2 Cor. 12:9) "God's enabling grace will give us the inner spiritual strength we need to bear the pain and endure the hardship, until the time when we see the harvest of righteousness and peace produced by it.
SO, conclusion I promise, through this chapter God brought me to peace with His sanctification in my life through the house hunting process. I was (and still am) okay with His purpose possibly being "just my sanctification" and not a house. His grace has enabled me to have "faith" or heart to house hunt. I am not longer weary or grumbling at the Lord. I am okay with being under God's mighty hand because he is working His eternal purposes in my life. I'm thankful for his discipline because it does display His love.
If you made it to the end, thanks for "listening" to the process of my heart in this last month.
Wow! That was a long post, little bull! :) I miss hearing you talk about what you've learned. You're good at sharing.. :)
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, as far as house hunting goes, it can be very stressful! We had looked at probably 10-15 houses or so before we found ours. Had to wait a few weeks for it to go on the market, went to look at it hours after it went on the market, and made an offer that night! We also had the issue of the price ranges. It's kind of amazing what a difference of $5-10,000 can make as far as house quality goes.. so I can definitely sympathize with that. Especially if you're in the area that is just below where you want your house to be.
And that is so encouraging and neat that God has been working in you. Buying a house is a pretty major decision, which requires trust in itself, but it's a blessing that God has helped you grow during this time. The right house will come at the right time and in the right place. I'll pray for your house hunt! and more importantly, your sanctification! Love you, friend!!