Yesterday, it happened. I turned 27. Can you believe it? I think my turning 27 really did surprise many people, even my dad! I am officially in my 'late twenties' and saying 'twenty-seven' just sounds older!!!! However, most people wouldn't guess that I'm 27 because I do look young, especially when I don't wear makeup which is more often now a days. I'm also guessing that most people wouldn't know how old I am based on the presents I got this year either!!!!!! Let's see if we can figure out my average age based on my presents this year:
My parents came into town last weekend and bought me a bike!!!!!! I am discovering that I might actually like riding bikes! Neil has a bike and enjoys riding and I enjoy riding along with him so it made sense to ask for a bike so Neil and I can ride bikes together!!!! Here we are trying out my bike! Yes, its BRIGHT pink!!! Now I realize that a bike isn't a childish birthday present and the bike being BRIGHT pink doesn't necessarily qualify it as a childish bike. However, I'm not sure if I will be able to reconcile that fact that because of my height, or lack of height, I had to get a GIRL'S bike!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, it's true. The bikes are sized by the inches from the seat to the pedal or something like that. Well, you have either 24inch or 26inch. I had to get the 24inch. Who knew that a measly two inches would become a chasm between childhood and adulthood! So, not only do I have a BRIGHT pink bike, but its a GIRL'S bike! I feel about 7 years old.
Yesterday I got to open my birthday presents from Neil. He was SO sweet and thoughtful, but what I asked for doesn't quite match any particular age range. I got Trusting God by Jerry Bridges which I think qualifies me as a 27 year old. However, I also asked for Tangled the Disney movie that recently came out on video. We saw it before Christmas in the theaters and we BOTH enjoyed it. I got excited when I heard it was coming out before my birthday and asked for it. Again, I feel like I'm 7- but don't judge me till you see the movie. Lastly he got me a back massage tool. I don't really know what else to call it and that is what it is for. I LOVE giving and receiving back massages. Of course it is therapeutic to receive one, but it is also therapeutic for me to give them as well. Neil doesn't really care to receive them, but he is very kind to give them without me asking. This gift is a hard to qualify an age to, but since it is kind of a 'gadget' I will qualify it with age 12 because I think that is the age when people start noticing gadgets and thinking they are cool enough to own.
Last BUT DEFINITELY NOT LEAST, Neil took me on a VERY GREAT DATE! First we went out to eat at Chipotle which opened here a few months ago. I LOVE IT! I asked to go there because I love it! It is a tex-mex restaurant like Moe's or Qudoba, BUT it has organic ingredients so I can eat there without worry!!!!!! It is nice to feel like you can go to a place that other 'normal' people like as well. So I think the restaurant choice qualifies me for 20 because other 27 year old's would probably choose something fancier, which I've been known to do as well. Now, the BEST part of the date is that Neil took me... SHOPPING!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, that's right folks! Neil Williams took me on a shopping spree!!!!! This wasn't his idea, BUT he was encouraged by our small group leader from church to consider ways to bless me on my birthday that are 'outside the box'. Believe me a shopping spree is definitely 'outside the box' for my frugal love. He was VERY sweet to me. He took me to the mall and we sat on one of the benches and told me that I was a gift to him and he wanted to treat me as a gift and do something I enjoy for my birthday. He gave me money- more than our clothing budget allows- and said let's go shopping! I teared up and it was almost reminiscent of his marriage proposal! Well, the sitting on the bench and me tearing up part was reminiscent. Anyway, He freed me up to go to my favorite stores and buy whatever the money would allow and of course he went with me. He was SO encouraging of me to find what I liked, try stuff on, go to different stores, etc. I went to GAP first because it is my favorite store and they were having a GREAT sale! BOGO free on ALL their tops, sale and regular price!!!! I found two shirts and I got them for a total of $13.00!!!!!!!!! Then we went to Forever 21 and I got two fun necklaces and Neil even encouraged me to get 3!!!!!!!!! Then we ran to T.J. Maxx- not by the mall- and I tried on a few things there but they didn't fit. Oh well. We had SO much fun together and I felt so LOVED and SO free to be feminine and enjoy clothes shopping. It was REALLY nice! And we have money left over!!! He sad we could go again another day!!!!!!! AAAHHH!!!!!!!!! I may have gotten giddy over that prospect! So shopping definitely made me feel 27. But we ended the night with going home eating cake and watching Tangled. Again I feel like I'm 7.
Okay, here are the numbers: 7, 27, 7, 12, 20, 27, and 7 so the average age that I act is: 15
Great, I can't even drive on my own... well maybe next year I'll be old enough to vote.
I just wanted to pass on this video and song because it has served my soul in my recent 'dark night'. This song has warmed my heart to the Lord when nothing else did. I've italicized my favorite lines. Please enjoy and I hope that it will stir your heart as well! Here are the Lyrics: Let no one caught in sin remain Inside the lie of inward shame We fix our eyes upon the cross And run to Him who showed great love
And bled for us Freely You've bled for us
Christ is risen from the dead Trampling over death by death Come awake, come awake Come and rise up from the grave
Christ is risen from the dead We are one with Him again Come awake, come awake Come and rise up from the grave
Beneath the weight of all our sin You bowed to none but Heaven's will No scheme of Hell, no scoffer's crown No burden great can hold You down
In strength You reign Forever let Your church proclaim
O death, where is your sting? O hell, where is your victory? O church, come stand in the light The glory of God has defeated the night
Sing it, o death, where is your sting? O hell, where is your victory? O church, come stand in the light Our God is not dead, He's alive, He's alive
As I sat down to write today I was reminded of the book of Jude and the sermons that C.J. Mahaney gave at my church last summer. I've included the messages below because they are VERY beneficial. Please take time to download them and listen at your convenience. I also included the passages he taught from. The summary of his sermons is how Jesus' blood keeps us in the faith and because of that we are to contend and keep ourselves in the faith. C.J.'s passion for the Gospel is very challenging and encouraging.
How thankful I am that Jesus' blood permanently keeps and has secured my salvation and standing before the Lord because I am terrible at 'keeping' myself in the faith. I too often ride the waves of my emotions and circumstances instead of the steady daily and momentary fighting for faith in God's consistent character and His Word. To 'keep' yourself in the faith is knowing and walking in the Gospel daily and fighting for faith daily amidst your temptation and circumstances.
I've been through a period of about 2-3 months of not fighting for faith and not really caring. I've been angry and bitter at God for not giving me what I want: children and pregnancy. There has been another cloud reigning over me fogging up my perspective and reality. I think the cloud this time was resignation. I had resigned to the fact that this season is hard. I had resigned to the fact that I am not promised children or pregnancy. I had resigned to the fact that these, children and pregnancy, are joyous things but I cannot find everlasting joy in them. I had resigned to the fact that I cannot be in control and that God is the only one who brings life. I had resigned to the fact that God was bringing life into this world, just not through me. I resigned to the fact that God was working good for all my friends who were pregnant. I resigned to the 'fact' my circumstance was a bigger indicator of God's love for me than the Gospel. I resigned to the 'fact' that God was good, just not to me. I resigned to the 'fact' that God was Sovereign, but not loving-to me. I resigned to the 'fact' that in His Sovereignty I was a pawn for him to use for his glory. I resigned to the 'fact' that his glory was separate from my good. I knew that something was going on that wasn't quite right but I didn't really care. It seemed too overwhelming to sift through the cloud to find my thoughts and I didn't think it would really do any good. I had resigned.
BUT GOD slowly started to life the cloud of resignation. He began to thin out the fog of anger and bitterness and has helped me see clearly. It began by crying after the sermon at church on Sunday. Neil held me and prayed for me (again) and listened as I tried to find my thoughts. Then two of our pastors came to us separately and prayed and counseled me in what was True. They encouraged me in the fight of faith that this big swing of doubt to faith, but usually a daily, moment by moment fight to believe what is True. To find the little 'nuggets of gold' in Scripture that speak to you that day and cling to those promises throughout the day. This served me as I sensed a slow turning in my hardened heart, maybe God wasn't what I was believing him to be. My heart was still hard but I began to see and claim that certain things, such as the two pastors praying and caring for us, were God providing for me and breaking through the cloud to dissolve my unbelief. I clung to these tangible examples of his care for me. A few weeks ago I shared at our care group what I had been going through. They had us sit in the middle and they prayed for Neil and me. Another example of God breaking through my cloud and showing me his care for me. My emotions weren't soaring with elation, but I wasn't anger, bitter, or resentful either. These past few weeks the clouds have dispersed. I have felt renewed joy in the Gospel and by God's grace I am attempting to 'keep myself in the love of God'. There is a fight for faith today and God has only called me to have faith for today and today he is giving me grace for that faith. He has not given me grace for my imagination (this is a quote from some really great author, but I don't remember who and it was something my friend told me anyway. NOT SOMETHING I CAME UP WITH). Every morning is a new supply of His grace for the fight of faith. Hopefully tomorrow will be another day fighting, but all I can do is focus on the grace God has given me to fight for faith right now. And you know, I think that truth gives me sufficient hope.
"To those who are called, beloved in God the Father and kept for Jesus Christ 2May mercy, peace, and love be multiplied to you.
3Beloved, although I was very eager to write to you about our common salvation, I found it necessary to write appealing to you to contend for the faith that was once for all delivered to the saints.
20But you, beloved, building yourselves up in your most holy faith and praying in the Holy Spirit, 21 keep yourselves in the love of God, waiting for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ that leads to eternal life. 22And have mercy on those who doubt; 23save others by snatching them out of the fire; to others show mercy with fear, hating even the garment stained by the flesh.
24Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, 25to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen."
Jude 1b-3, 20-25 If you made is this far, thanks for sticking with me!
Here we are trying out my bike! Yes, its BRIGHT pink!!! Now I realize that a bike isn't a childish birthday present and the bike being BRIGHT pink doesn't necessarily qualify it as a childish bike. However, I'm not sure if I will be able to reconcile that fact that because of my height, or lack of height, I had to get a GIRL'S bike!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes, it's true. The bikes are sized by the inches from the seat to the pedal or something like that. Well, you have either 24inch or 26inch. I had to get the 24inch. Who knew that a measly two inches would become a chasm between childhood and adulthood! So, not only do I have a BRIGHT pink bike, but its a GIRL'S bike! I feel about 7 years old.
a back massage tool. I don't really know what else to call it and that is what it is for. I LOVE giving and receiving back massages. Of course it is therapeutic to receive one, but it is also therapeutic for me to give them as well. Neil doesn't really care to receive them, but he is very kind to give them without me asking. This gift is a hard to qualify an age to, but since it is kind of a 'gadget' I will qualify it with age 12 because I think that is the age when people start noticing gadgets and thinking they are cool enough to own.
Yes, that's right folks! Neil Williams took me on a shopping spree!!!!! This wasn't his idea, BUT he was encouraged by our small group leader from church to consider ways to bless me on my birthday that are 'outside the box'. Believe me a shopping spree is definitely 'outside the box' for my frugal love. He was VERY sweet to me. He took me to the mall and we sat on one of the benches and told me that I was a gift to him and he wanted to treat me as a gift and do something I enjoy for my birthday. He gave me money- more than our clothing budget allows- and said let's go shopping! I teared up and it was almost reminiscent of his marriage proposal! Well, the sitting on the bench and me tearing up part was reminiscent. Anyway, He freed me up to go to my favorite stores and buy whatever the money would allow and of course he went with me. He was SO encouraging of me to find what I liked, try stuff on, go to different stores, etc. I went to GAP first because it is my favorite store and they were having a GREAT sale! BOGO free on ALL their tops, sale and regular price!!!! I found two shirts and I got them for a total of $13.00!!!!!!!!! Then we went to Forever 21 and I got two fun necklaces and Neil even encouraged me to get 3!!!!!!!!! Then we ran to T.J. Maxx- not by the mall- and I tried on a few things there but they didn't fit. Oh well. We had SO much fun together and I felt so LOVED and SO free to be feminine and enjoy clothes shopping. It was REALLY nice! And we have money left over!!! He sad we could go again another day!!!!!!! AAAHHH!!!!!!!!! I may have gotten giddy over that prospect! So shopping definitely made me feel 27. But we ended the night with going home eating cake and watching Tangled. Again I feel like I'm 7.
